New Year's Eve
by RavenBelours
Summary: Regina never liked the fireworks on New Year's Eve. They were loud and uncontrollable and brought back too many memories.


**A/N**  
**First of all: I wish all of you a Happy New Year, even if it's the 4th already. **  
**I had the idea for this OS when I celebrated New Year's with a few friends and for the first time in years there were people around us who were firing rockets and we didn't just watch from far away. So while everybody was enjoying themselves one friend and I ran 10 metres away from the others because we were so afraid :D **

**It turned out a little different than I expected but I'm quite pleased. So let me know what you think, please? I LOVE reviews.**

**Disclaimers:**  
**I do not own Once upon a time or its characters.**

**Rated T for mention of sexual abuse.**

**Thanks again to giftofamber who beta'd it.**

Regina never liked the fireworks on New Year's Eve. They were loud and uncontrollable and brought back too many memories . As a result, she would always stay inside her mansion and just watch them from her window, if at all.

Before she had Henry, she had always been alone on New Year's Eve. Of course, she could have had Graham over to celebrate with her, but she never felt the need to celebrate this particular day of the year. Later, when Henry was small, there was no point in celebrating either. When he got older , she would have stayed up with him, but, in most years, he fell asleep before midnight, and she saw no point in waking him.

Thus, New Year's Eve had never been something Regina wanted to celebrate, especially because she knew nothing important would happen the following year; after all, that was what the curse was about. No surprises, no changes, no happy endings- for no one, including me, she found herself thinking as the years passed by.

The infinite monotony finally ended when Fate caught up on her and brought Emma, "the Savior," to break her curse. Because Fate had a sense of humor, the Savior turned out to be Snow White's daughter; the same Snow White who was responsible for her descent into villainy back in the Enchanted Forest had now indirectly destroyed what little happiness Regina had built for herself in Storybrooke. That daughter of hers was what Regina had needed least. Emma came into town, took Henry, took the peoples sympathy, and made Regina look way less powerful.

As if all of that wasn't enough, Emma also broke the curse. Several attempts of murder and imprisonment between Snow White, her stupid Prince Charming and Regina had ensued, but everything had begun to settle down again, thanks to their "savior"-of course.

Anyway, now it was New Year's Eve again, and for the first time in 28 years, Regina did not know what the following year would bring and that scared her. It scared her more than she would ever admit because she felt herself fading away with every minute- or at least who she thought she was.

She couldn't be a mother any longer because Henry only saw the Evil Queen in her and despised her for what she did to those he thought were the "good people." She couldn't be the mayor because people would rather be going for her head than listen to what she said. Also, she could not use her magic properly, which kept her from returning to the power and anger that fueled her as the Evil Queen. Right now, she just felt lonely, and it scared her.

She was about to walk over to the small table that held various bottles of wine and liquor to refill her glass with whiskey when she heard the doorbell. She raised one eyebrow at the unexpected change of events. As she walked to the foyer to open the door, she glanced at the clock hanging in the hallway. It was already past 11, and most people would be celebrating right now, probably getting drunk as well, so she really had no idea who would be at her door.

Even though Regina didn't know whom to expect, it certainly wasn't Emma Swan. The sheriff looked a little disorderly, her blonde hair disheveled and unkempt, and she was definitely tipsy. Not showing her surprise about the late visit, Regina asked, "What do you want Miss Swan?"

The blonde took a while to answer, not really sure if her answer would be seen as an insult by the former mayor. When she had regained the power of speech, she said, "I want to invite you over to celebrate with us. It's half past 11, and you're the only one at home all alone while everybody else is celebrating somewhere. So I thought you could come over to Granny's to… celebrate with us?"

"And what makes you think I would want that?"

Emma shrugged, "Well, no one want's to be alone on New Year's Eve?"

"You think so?"

"Yeah," Emma kept her gaze on Regina who just looked right back at her with a raised eyebrow and an expression that said something like 'How desperate do you think I am?' until Emma couldn't stand it anymore. "You know, I wanted to be nice. I know you have a… complicated history with everyone in town but I really can't stand the thought of you being all alone on a night like this, a night that should be a happy one for everyone."

"Happy ," Regina laughed dryly.

"Well, wrong choice of words, I guess, but you know what I mean."

"Does Henry know you're here? Or your mother? I'm sure they would be really 'happy' about your intentions."

"Mary Margaret does not know that I'm here, no. But, as for Henry, I told him I would drive over."

For a moment, Regina's expression softened, and she couldn't help but feel some hope- hope he would still ask for her, still love her in some way. Unfortunately, it was crushed the moment Emma continued speaking.

"He didn't want to come with me."

Regina sighed. Of course, he would not suddenly see over who she was. All he saw her as was a villain, as his book had told him.

"Regina, I'm sorry about his behavior. I don't approve of it. I really do think he should be more appreciative of all you've done for him. You raised him for the past 10 years, and you did well; he's a great kid. But he also sees the world in black and white, and his book, it categorized you as black. I can't understand how he can so easily dismiss what you've done for him. You were a good mother, a mother I could never have been for him, and he should be thankful for that. He always had someone who cared for him. I know how it is to not have someone, to grow up never feeling loved. And though I found my parents now, it doesn't make up for everything that happened and that I missed.

So I do not approve of his behavior but I won't force him to come back to you either. I never could.

And I believe you can understand that."

Regina could. As much as she wanted Henry back, wanted his love back, she knew that she couldn't force him. She tried that once, and all it did was drive him further away. She certainly wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

"So do you want to come over to Granny's?" Emma asked after a few moments of silence where both women were caught in their own thoughts.

"I don't believe it would be a good idea," Regina slowly answered, her previous cool posture gone.

"Maybe not. But I don't believe it's a good idea for you to be alone either."

Regina sighed again. She was tired, not only physically, but mentally. Before Emma had shown up at her door, she was feeling lonely, scared and more vulnerable than she had in decades. She had put up her mask of indifference when opening the door, but the talking about Henry and the fact that this woman, Snow White's daughter, who was born to always cross her plans, seemed to care so much for her, it was tiring. She blurted out, "Why do you care so much about me?"

The question was out before Regina could stop it, and, after a moment of shock about allowing the blonde to see past her usual mask, she couldn't bring up the attitude to care. She really did want to know the answer to that question because why would Snow White's offspring be interested in being nice to the Evil Queen?

"I care because you're Henry's mother. I'm thankful for how great care you took of him for all these years. And I care because… because I kind of know how you feel," Emma replied.

Regina gave her a questioning look.

"Lonely," Emma simply answered. "I have been lonely often enough to recognize it. And I know I can't help you get back whatever it is Mary Margaret- Snow White- took from you. I can't even help you get Henry back, but I can offer you companionship tonight."

It left Regina speechless to realize how easily the sheriff had seen through all her walls-not only now when she hadn't bothered that much to keep them up anyway, but generally. Some small, long forgotten, part of her longed for that kind of human contact and care, but the darker, doubting parts of her were stronger. There was no way Emma Swan would offer her kindness without a deeper motive-not to her, not to the Evil Queen, not as her mother's arch-nemesis.

"What is it you want, Miss Swan?" Regina asked, defense back in her voice.

Emma looked seriously surprised, "What? What do you mean? Why would I want something?"

"Because nobody ever offers me something without wanting something in return."

Emma sighed, "You really do believe you're evil, don't you?"

Regina didn't answer. Of course, she did. There was a reason this adjective became part of her title-a reason deeply connected to Snow White and even though not everything worked out the way she had hoped, she also did succeed in many ways. She had held the power in the Enchanted Forest after all.

"See, that's the difference between everyone else in this town and me- well leave out Henry. You're no Evil Queen for me. I don't know what you did to people, and I don't really care either because that was long ago. You're Regina to me. Mayor Mills, if you want. You're Henry's adoptive mother. You're intelligent, you're tough, and you often enough are an annoying pain in my ass, but you're no Evil Queen. I thought that maybe you didn't want to be alone tonight. So I came here to invite you over to Granny's, or offer to stay here, if you would have let me talk long enough to do so.

But I can go."

For a moment Emma kept her gaze on Regina who, for the first time ever, refused to look at her in return before Emma sighed and slowly turned.

Regina was deep in thoughts. She had never thought about this, about Emma Swan not seeing her as the Evil Queen. She always assumed once the curse was broken and everyone got their memories back, Snow would tell her precious little girl all about the Evil Queen who destroyed everyone's happiness. She never once gave the sheriff the credit of building her own opinion. Apparently, she really didn't know what Emma Swan was capable of.

The small part of her that had longed for accepting the blonde's offer a few moments ago became bigger and louder as these thoughts passed Regina's mind. She tried to suppress them, make the urge to call out for the sheriff, who was about to walk back to her car, go away, but for the first time in what seemed like forever, she lost this battle or maybe she wanted to lose it, she didn't know what she wanted anyway these days. Regina cried out, "Emma!"

The blonde turned as she heard the former mayor call after her, addressing her by her first name.

"I…" Regina began when the loud bang of an exploding New Year's rocket interrupted her and made her jump in surprise.

Suddenly, the sounds of rockets being fired exploded in all directions, and the sky was lit with their colors. Emma took a moment to look at them, enjoying the rare scene, but when she turned back to face the other woman a frown grew on her forehead as the brunette cringed with every exploding firework. There was also an expression in her eyes that Emma could not describe with other words than fear, panic even.

"Regina? Are you alright?" Emma asked, worry painting on her face.

"Yes. Of course," Regina was fast to answer.

"I… just… thank you, for your offer, but I'm fine alone. Go back to celebrating with your family and friends. Happy New Year, Miss Swan."

The former mayor retreated into her foyer and was about to close the door when Emma called,

"Wait!"

Regina stopped in her movement, the strange expression Emma had noticed before still being present.

"You don't look okay, Regina," Emma studied her carefully when another loud bang came from close behind her and the brunette cringed terribly.

"You're afraid of the fireworks," Emma concluded with surprise.

It was not a question; it was a statement, and as soon as Emma said it, Regina knew there was no point in denying it. The blonde had seen through her walls before. As for how she felt now, there was no doubt that her emotions must be written all over her face, the fear taking any ability from her to uphold her usual mask. When Emma moved closer to her, entered the house and closed the door behind her, Regina did not argue, nor did she when the blonde gently took hold of her hand and guided her into the study that lay on the far side of the mansion, which was going out to the forest.

It was quieter here; the noises of the fireworks outside were barely audible-only the recurring glow outside was a reminder that the celebration continued.

Regina sat down on one of the chairs facing the fireplace, away from the frightening noises, trying to regain her composure. Emma, meanwhile, looked around the room and found the liquor on the table at the door. She took the glass in which she could see the last remains of whiskey, refilled it and then poured herself one, before she walked over to Regina and held one of the glasses out to her.

Regina took it without looking up at the sheriff and gulped it down, enjoying the burning sensation in her throat and hoping for it to numb the still omnipresent fear she felt. Without asking Emma took the glass from Regina's cold hands and went to refill it again and hand it back to the brunette.

This time Regina sipped at it carefully, still not looking up.

After a while of observing the other woman Emma gently asked, "Why are you so afraid of fireworks?"

"I am not." Regina said, trying to play down the fear Emma must have seen in her eyes only moments prior.

Emma did not buy her act for a second, "Yes you are. If you don't want to tell, okay. But don't try to lie about something you showed so obviously."

Again there was silence between the two women. When Emma thought she would not get any answer from the brunette, the blonde turned to walk to the window and look out. On the far right, she could see some rockets over the forest that otherwise stretched in front of the window. She took small sips from her whiskey thinking about the woman in the chair behind her and about her parents and the crazy cursed town she came into and about Henry and about how surreal all of this really was.

"It reminds me of my wedding night," Regina did not know why she was admitting this, but somehow she felt the strange need to.

Emma turned as she heard the former mayor's quiet voice from across the room. Slowly, she walked over to sit into the chair opposite of Regina's and waited for the other woman to continue.

"They had fireworks the day of my marriage with the king, after the official festivities were over, when night had already fallen. I heard it when…" Regina stopped talking and Emma wasn't quite sure if she had imagined it or if the brunette's voice really broke. When she continued speaking, her voice was still quiet, but showed no sign of quivering, instead there was an indifferent cold in it,

"… when the king took what was now rightfully his."

It took Emma a few moments before she realized what these last words meant. It was suddenly clear to her that the marriage had not been a love match and was most likely not one Regina had chosen for herself. Emma herself had memories of foster families- foster fathers that were fast to hit her whenever they thought she'd deserved it, or whenever they felt like hitting something, but she never got harassed or abused sexually, and she could only imagine what that would do to a woman. The sheriff covered her mouth with her hand at the thought of it, "Oh my. Regina… I…"

The brunette's voice once again sounded painfully broken and defeated, "Don't say you're sorry."

"But I am," Emma said and hurried to continue, "Even though I know that it doesn't help. I can't imagine how you must feel, but I am sorry for pushing you. I'm sorry I showed up here tonight when you… remembered. And I'm sorry I didn't leave when you wanted me to. But I will leave you alone now."

Emma stood up and was about to walk to the door to put back the only half empty glass and leave the brunette alone as she obviously wished to be when a hand on her wrist stopped her. She turned again, facing Regina. For the first time, Emma could see how troubled the former mayor's past must really have been, how much pain she must have endured.

The request was barely audible at all but it was written all upon Regina's pained expression, "Please don't leave now."

"I won't," Emma answered and removed the brunette's cold hand from her wrist to gently slide it into her own. She drew the other chair closer and settled into it, taking small sips from her whiskey again. Absentmindedly, she ran her thumb over Regina's hand in her own and felt it getting warmer again.

They sat in silence for a long while until Regina looked up and whispered, "Thank you. And Happy New Year, Emma."

Emma turned to look at Regina, but the brunette had already averted her gaze again and fixated their joined hands but made no effort to break the contact. A smiled curled at Emma's lips and she gently squeezed the other woman's hand, "Happy New Year, Regina."


End file.
